July Rumblings.
It is the last day of July and boy am I glad that the month is finally done. I hate July.
Hear Me
Darkness,
it embraces and calls me friend,
I hate it here, I hate it here,
darkness, we are not friends,
let go, set me free.
I screech for help,
can you hear me,
The pain, unbearable,
hands stretched out,
I am drowning,
will you save me?
Anybody??
Who do you come home to?
Pitch black save for the light-emitting from the phone,
scrolling the socials,
DM anticipation,
refresh, once, twice, nothing,
must be the poor internet connection,
who do you come home to?
Silence,
no, music,
no, a book,
no, a series, movie perhaps,
no, more work,
anything to fill the void,
who do you come home to?
Mind racing,
the loneliness cuts deep,
sleep, insomnia is a mate,
gods when, they seem to have given up,
me, myself and I, a consolation,
I will not die, another consolation,
who do you come home to?
Mums’ House
My life was threatened today,
the feeling, so familiar, I detest it.
Been here, a couple of times,
I wish I was in mums’house.
Mums’ hugs cure all,
she holds and comforts me,
let it all out, she will say,
it will be okay baby, she adds,
I wish I was in mums’ house.
Nobody should be alone,
especially if life has been threatened,
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, they say,
fuck stalkers,
fuck July, end already,
I wish I was in mums’ house.
I hate July.
I hate July.
the pain,
the loss,
the despair.
I hate July.
the resignation,
death,
fear.
I hate July,
it takes more than it gives,
it opens scars I work so hard to heal,
it shakes my existence, shutters my foundations.
Goodbye July, I sure won’t miss you.
Nothing.
The world owes you nothing,
that apology you've been waiting for,
the explanation you're anticipating,
the closure you seek,
the reassurance,
yeah, the world owes you none of that.
The invite to belong,
the love you give,
the assistance you require,
the ear and arms to comfort you,
nope, won't happen,
for the world owes you nothing.
It is all on you.
